lovelorntears

Confused.

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 04:02:56 GMT

I just realized I'm the only one who doesn't update this bitch anymore.

Maybe I should.

Hmm

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 00:54:45 GMT

Senior year has officially begun and I'm already asking myself WHY I am doing early decision. I'm going to be such a wreck.

However, I have jewlery and an internship so it's not going to be too shabby.

Bwahaha

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 20:18:53 GMT

I got a pretty new ring that I'm in love with.

4 days until school starts.

I miss Drew.

It's late

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 05:39:57 GMT

Not having a car for 3 days makes me want to cry...

The focus died.

Well not really died...it just had a boo boo. The ignition went. Honestly...how does an ignition die? But whatever...hopefully I'll get it back tomorrow.

I'll never complain about it being tiny again.

Random

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 14:26:38 GMT

Question:Where has everyone been?!

A long long time

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 16:57:41 GMT

I suck at updating this journal but i really don't know what to say.

Peru was amazing. I had so much fun with everyone but I'm glad to be home...kind of. The summer is going by really effing fast and before you know it...senior year is here. SATs, homework, sports, student council. Thinking about it makes me tired.

Oi.

One day

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 11:56:56 GMT

Tomorrow I am leaving for Peruuuuuuu until July 27th or 28th or whatever (look at Ian's journal) and I am totally excited!!!!!!!!

However I'm a little sad because I'll miss everyone (i.e.: Drew, Arthur, Shannon, Lindz, MB, Lem, Erin, etc.)

I can't wait to go and it's going to be awesome and I'm a little nervous but that's alright I'll get over it. I still need to pack a few things.

Adios amigos.

Peruvianness

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 04:11:22 GMT

I'm nervous/excited about Peru next week. I think I might jump on board with Elena to write a farewell letter of sorts...which is kindddddddd of scary.

Other than that...nothing else is really new at all. Same stuff...different day.

John Mayer

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 02:14:55 GMT

I'm tired
I'm tired of being alone
I'm tired of not having closure on anything.
I'm tired of everything feeling open ended
I'm tired of being confused
I'm tired of not being able to say how I feel
I'm tired of that horrible feeling like you're doing something wrong when you really aren't
I'm tired of not being "myself"
I'm tired of not knowing what myself is anymore
I'm tired of the same old thing
I'm tired of talking about college already
I'm tired of feeling fat...so now I go to the gym every day
I'm tired of not getting enough hugs
I'm tired of not feeling affectionate
I'm tired of not caring
I'm tired of boys/men/whatever the hell they think they are
I'm tired of nothing good being on the radio
I'm tired of not having money...but
I'm tired of working every day
I'm tired of feeling different
I'm tired of feeling tired with everything
so hurry up and get here

Ugh

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 04:02:16 GMT

Haven't updated the journal in quite awhile...

It would be SO awesome if people called me to do things because this summer is going to suck otherwise. I might not be home but you could call my cell phone and find out what I'm doing and you all know my number sooo...yeah. Pretty much since vacation started I've only hung out with people that are 18+ and I kind of want to hang out with like Hannah and those kids.

That's the end of my bitching about how nobody calls me.

Went to a random retirement party for this lady I work with tonight. Everyone was drunk and/or under the influence of illegal substances. Fun times...and we ALL have to work tomorrow. FABULOUS.

I can't wait to get out of this country.

Shit.

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 00:09:44 GMT

I tried to update my journal and then it erased what I wrote.

Basically, I'll be gone a lot this week to watch my favorite person ever (Sarah King) and my cousin graduate.

CALL MEEEEEE (508-527-8702)

Ugh

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 00:35:08 GMT

Sometimes there are expirations on things and you need to get rid of them before they expire.

I wish we could have a civil conversation and I wish you would LISTEN to me. I wish you would calm down a little bit because you seem to care WAY more now then you ever did before. I wish I could just tell you everything and how I feel and not have you get upset. I just wish things were different. And I wish you didn't write journal entries about how I'm the worst person ever because for once I stood up to you and now I'm a jerk for it. What about all the times you walked all over me? THAT is how people can sympathize with me. That is why people think I made the right decision. That is why we broke up. Stop trying to make me feel guilty because you don't know how I feel. You think I don't care and that is complete bullshit. I don't want to be alone because I'm afraid to start thinking about how I actually feel. I know what I did was right for me and I'm sorry you can't listen to me without yelling to understand that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm so sorry but you were never sorry for hurting me.

Having mutilated
and freed myself
from the very wings
which for so long
held me aloft
I have cast my heart
like a purpled fruit
toward the violent earth,
far from the Heaven
of your arms.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 23:23:50 GMT

You are making me completely miserable.

I go to school and I'm fine and I go out and do things and I'm fine. Then I have to come home and either you show up or want to talk to me and it makes me absolutely miserable. Us not talking would probably be the best thing. I feel horrible about what happened between us and the way it had to happen but it's done and it's over and I can't take back how I feel. I'm sorry for hurting you but you hurt me a lot too. I think we need time apart and I'm sorry that it's so difficult to accept.

I just want to be happy

...But I do miss you.

closure

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 02:12:56 GMT

Fuck the list.
Fuck you.
Fuck everything we had.
Fuck it.
I'm done letting you do this to me.

Weird

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 22:37:10 GMT

I don't really know whats going on with me lately but things are changing...for the better I hope.

I can't stand this heat so I'm going swimming.

AH

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 02:34:42 GMT

Can I please just rant about teen pregnancy for a few minutes? if you care not to hear it, then don't read it.

WHY ARE SO MANY YOUNG GIRLS PREGNANT THESE DAYS?! There really is NO good reason and they seem to want them. I personally know 3 people who are 16, 18, and 19 that are pregnant nevermind the countless livejournal communities devoted to teen mothers who are 16 and 17 and are EXCITED ABOUT IT! They are barely young adults and are going to raise children?! When did this become socially exceptable? When did people forget how to use birth control? You can go to planned parenthood, get condoms, get the pill, get whatever. You can even get EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION if the condom breaks. There are so many preventive measures. And then if you can't responsibly have sex, be abstinent.

UGH.

</end>

It's really just painful

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 00:23:23 GMT

I really suck at updating my journal lately.

Today was pretty boring. I went to school which was so boring and then I went to Drew's which was fun. Then we drove all around and out to Auburn which was rather stressful since I suck at driving on the Mass Pike. Then we got Mandy and I dropped him off and then I went to Friendly's with Elena and Arthur which was fun stuff.

I am so tired and I can't write this paper for Barr or do my notecards for history. I so wish I was a senior. I can't believe they're graduating on Sunday...

Ugh

Tue, 24 May 2005 20:59:28 GMT

Today I stayed home from school and was really cold. Then I called Drew because I was really really bored and he said he would come over and bring me medicine because he's the best boyfriend ever. Then I took a shower and he came over and he also brought South Park. We sat on the couch all day and watched South Park and ate food and rested. Then he had to go home so he would be there for Zac. Then my journal came in the mail and it's really cool and reminds me of the one from Cruel Intentions.

I'm really tired even though I did nothing all day and I think I'm going to take a nap.

The rain is making me sad and blah.

Free to be you and me

Sun, 22 May 2005 02:41:46 GMT

Prom rocked. Took lots of cool pictures that I already had developed. Didn't get much sleep though and I am dead tired.

Today I shopped and saw Star Wars with Drew. Fun stuff.

Tomorrow I get my new cell phone. WOOHOO.

WOOHOO

Tue, 17 May 2005 22:56:58 GMT

I would just like you all to know that today...

I GOT MY LICENSE!

I love you

Tue, 17 May 2005 01:17:15 GMT

My wicked hot boyfriend got me wicked hot earrings that came in the mail today and it made me sooooooo happy. I love him and I love the earrings.

Sarah King...I miss you along with Fran and those kiddies.

Hmmm

Mon, 16 May 2005 01:27:12 GMT

This week is going to be crazy with everything that's going on.

It took me 3 hours to get my computer to work again.

Ugh

Wed, 11 May 2005 01:22:29 GMT

I'm fake and transparent.

That is all.

Hmmm

Sun, 08 May 2005 15:11:27 GMT

Yeah so I've been a livejournal slacker but I don't really have much to write.

I went to BU on Thursday for this thing called a NESPA conference for journalism and stuff. That was fun and then I came home and went running and then Drew came to get me and I ended up sleeping over. Friday was senior skip day and the pep rally so nothing too exciting. I left school at 1 and then hung out with the family that night.

Yesterday were SATs and I'm really nervous about that. Then I worked and hung out with Drew.

Today is Mother's Day and I made lots of breakfast that was good.

The end.

RANDOMMMMMMM

Mon, 02 May 2005 22:45:14 GMT

I love reading old things that your boyfriend wrote about how you made him smile and how happy you made him except that it kind of makes me sad at the same time. If I could find my yearbook from last year, and Drew wouldn't kill me for writing it, I'd tell you what he wrote me because it was so...Drewish.

Anyway. AP english test sucked today. I'm still tired and I had to work 3 hours. At least the people I work with are cool.

The end.